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I’ve been incontinent since I was 20, true story. Not in the “I need an adult diaper” way, but in the way that required I cross my legs when I laughed, coughed, sneezed, or got scared. And in the way that made me choose between breathing, doing cardio, or not peeing. If you know anything about the way the body functions, you have to know what that means for my workout pants, right? There’s a reason they’re all black. And NOT cotton.
Most of the time it was a minor inconvenience. Then there were other times like when I was pregnant with Grady and needed to wear diapers because I suffered a horrendous cold and had massive coughing fits wherein I would completely wet myself. And by completely wet myself I mean had I been wearing only panties and yoga pants, my sofa cushions would be soaked.
The other time where it was more than a minor inconvenience was when I was in New York City this summer. I was hanging out with my girl Amy at a Boyz II Men concert at Chelsea Piers. Our other friend Melissa was getting super cheap tickets for us to go see Les Miserables that night. When Amy got the text from Mel that she was headed to the theater, we left the concert and headed to Broadway.
Chelsea Piers is located on one of the highways that runs up the western side of Manhattan. This particular pier required you stand in a queue for a taxi and the line was really long, so Amy told me to run to secure our spot in line. Unfortunately, my bladder was full so I politely declined and told her that we would have to just take our chances walking at our snail’s pace. Had I broken out in a run, I would have peed all over the place.
We finally got a cab and headed to Broadway. In true Manhattan style, traffic was horrendous, and when we got to Times Square, we were gridlocked. Unbeknownst to us, President Obama was in town and there was some kind of demonstration in Times Square. Don’t ask me what it was, I was focused on getting to the theater on time.
We told the cab driver we would walk from there, but the problem was that we were an 8 minute walk from the theater and the show was going to start in 3 minutes. Amy knew I was athletic, or at least used to be, so she told me to run like the wind to get our tickets before the show started. I hopped out of the cab and started running.
I was dodging people with every step. I felt like I was being chased by the Feds and I had some secret piece of information I didn’t want them to have. I had one mission: Get there on time. I marveled at my lung capacity and I ran at full speed the entire way to the theater. Once I saw the theater doors, I looked at the time and I was right on time so I slowed my pace so that I didn’t sound like I had been running by the time I got to the box office.
It was about that time I realized my thighs were really hot. Maybe kinda muggy. And then it occurred to me that my thighs weren’t hot and muggy. My jeans were soaked to the knees. I had made the decision to breathe and run rather than run and hold my bladder, and I had completely emptied my full bladder all over my favorite GAP skinny jeans.
I couldn’t bring myself to go into the theater because it was evident that I had wet myself, so I hid in an alcove and waited for Amy to arrive so I could walk in behind her. I spent the following several minutes trying to figure out how my little crossbody bag and well positioned hands could hide the fact that I had just peed myself like a toddler, but there was no use.
She got there and was baffled as to why I hadn’t gone in to get the tickets yet, but all it took was my standing in front of her for her to see the problem. I believe there were some giggles on her part at that point, but I was mortified that I had not only peed myself, but that I hadn’t gone in on time to get the tickets.
We picked the tickets up together and I sheepishly followed her to the bathroom where I did my best to blot my jeans dryish. It was similar to trying to soak the ocean up with a tissue. We found our seats, where I sat in my soggy jeans for three flipping hours, fanning myself with my Playbill.
The Playbill fan did help the wetness a bit by the end of the three hour show, but the best part about it was that I really added to the ambiance of old France for the people around me. They must have really appreciated the fact that I added an olfactory dimension to the show they might not have otherwise experienced. To think – I didn’t even charge them for the pleasure!
Amy started cracking up every time Fantine began singing her sad, sad songs. Amy’s giggling led to my wheezing like an old man laughing, and I’m relatively certain people thought we were a couple of crazy homeless gals who snuck into the show to escape the New York heat.
Toddlers, old people, and people with some weight to lose really aren’t the only people who suffer from incontinence, and you don’t have to have invasive surgeries or wear a diaper to resolve the problem.
Poise has a new kid in town called Impressa, and I picked a box up at my favorite store, Target. It is a handy little device that you place in your vagina, similar to a tampon, that support your urethra so you don’t leak urine all over the place when you are trying to enjoy life. There are three different sizes and finding the best internal support is as easy as 1, 2, 3. You start by using size 1, and if you still leak, move to size 2, then increase to size 3 if necessary. It has nothing to do about how much volume you leak or how much you weigh (or any of the other things I could crack jokes about right now). It’s about the best internal fit for you. My biggest concern was how I would pee without removing it, but they are designed to allow you to urinate when you need to, and not when you don’t.
If you’re too embarrassed to walk into Target to buy them, simply order them from Target.com. Perhaps you’ll be one of the 9/10 women who report bladder leakage being greatly reduced or stopped altogether. I’m sure Amy wishes these had been on the market back in July.
Poise Impressa Bladder Supports are a good option for you if you leak urine when you laugh, cough, dance, sneeze, exercise, or run through Times Square to get to a show on time – otherwise known as stress incontinence. They are not good for you if you leak urine when you have a sudden need to urinate. For that issue, try Poise liners and pads for Urge Urinary Incontinence.
If you use and love Poise Impressa, use the Poise Impressa Rewards Program to get a $25 code to Cloud9Living.com. The how to is below: