There’s no nice way to put this, and crap doesn’t quite quantify the sentiment.
I’ve been eating like shit. It kind of started when I first got shingles in August because I was so exhausted that I couldn’t even fathom getting up to cook. Then we went to Disney and we came home to school having started.
I got better for a few weeks and then Halloween rolled around and I stayed strong, man. I stayed SO strong. Until the week of Halloween and I went ham sandwich on a whole bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Then I went head down into a barrel of mixed minis and on Halloween I was eating as much candy as I was inhaling air.
The week after Halloween got a little better.
I knew I was going to California and I knew I wanted to wear a crop top, so I got back on the low carb train.
For a whole day.
It was pretty well downhill after that. I even ate like shit in California – WHILE I was wearing a crop top. Needless to say, my FUPA game was STRONG and I’m relatively embarrassed of the pictures that were taken of me there.
Because I don’t feel I look that way, but obviously I DO.
I’ve been doing this kick ass program called Precision Nutrition that is completely diet agnostic, so I can be low carb on this thing. It’s about developing new habits and trying to get to the meat of why you can’t just stick to something without going so far off the deep end you drown until you resurface again months later, pounds heavier.
Even *that* I kept avoiding, but the little PN voice was still in my head saying ‘Hey, Summer. It’s really okay. Just remember to eat food that makes you feel good. Slowly. Enjoy your food. Eat the rainbow. And don’t be too hard on yourself.’
And because of that, I haven’t fallen into a deep depression even though my FUPA can give a kangaroo a run for her money at this very moment.
Because even though my eating hasn’t been on point, I’ve still been going to CrossFit and I’ve still been staying active.
Okay, well, minus the last two and a half weeks, but there are a bunch of explanations for that including the fact that I had shingles again, went to California, and then came back to get the stomach flu. Now that I’m well, I’m back.
But I’m not going to mince words about that either.
I Didn’t want to go back.
Quite frankly, I probably wouldn’t have gone back if Kyle weren’t also going to CrossFit. I just felt so blobby and like I had become so weak in the two weeks I was out, and I didn’t want my coaches to see me in this state.
But I went back. And I kinda killed it.
I wouldn’t have done that before. I know that Kyle is playing a big role in the fact that I went back today, and that I’ll go back tomorrow, and that I’ll go back the day after that. But I also felt kind of lost without it.
It’s the best way to start my day, and I love knowing that no matter what shitty food I’ve been putting in my mouth, that my body is still getting stronger. And the stronger my body gets, the faster I’ll burn off this FUPA and the faster I’ll get my eating back on track.
Find yourself an accountability partner.
Just make sure they’re not the kind of accountability partner that will allow you to make excuses for yourself, and also not the kind of accountability partner that will force you to go to the gym when you legitimately need a break. Like, OH, I don’t know – when you have shingles.
They’re hard to find, but when you find them, hold on.
And stop being so hard on yourself.
Not even the stars are consistent, even though it appears as though they are. When I interviewed Chris Pratt for the Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2 premiere, I asked him how he has kept the weight off. For those of you who don’t know, he used to be a chub chub.
He said he doesn’t. He just is very cautious about when he presents his body to the public. He works super hard for a while to get buff and once shooting and promotions are over, he eats cake again and he doesn’t work out so much and he gets a little flabby.
It’s always going to be a cycle. The trick is finding that happy medium where your cycle looks more like a kiddie coaster than an actual thrill ride.
And that’s where I am. Getting on my kiddie coaster, eating well again, and getting back to the gym.