You often hear about how we need to stop devaluing girls, to start telling them how intelligent they are rather than how pretty they are, and to teach them that they’re equal to boys in every way. While I’m [mostly] all for that, I find it appalling that we don’t hear about how we need to stop treating boys like they’re stupid or “behind” girls while they are growing up. I am completely aware that developmentally boys have a tendency to be behind girls. You can’t change things that may or may not happen physically on a certain time frame and I get that.
What I’m specifically talking about today is potty training. (call it what you will, potty learning WHATEVER – we’re talking about the same freaking thing. I just call it potty training because that’s what I’m used to and that’s what sounds best to me. Training/learning. Same diff.) The Nerd didn’t potty train until he was 3 years, 1 month old and that was completely my fault. I tried when he was 18 months and it was WAY too early. He thought the royal potty chair (funny take on “the Throne”, Fisher Price), was a toy he could push around and make sing by sticking his hand in the bowl. I gave up in frustration after an extremely feeble attempt at potty training. Once I finally resolved to stop buying diapers, we went cold-turkey underwear and he was literally potty trained right then and there. I can count on one hand the number of accidents he has ever had.
In general, I think Pull-Ups or trainers are a big, fat waste of money. It’s a diaper. That pulls up. Your kid isn’t as stupid as you think s/he is and s/he knows that it’s a diaper. You can change the name of it all you want, it’s a diaper. I do think they have their time and place in potty training and I will address that in a minute.
I just get so sick of people saying, “OH, George isn’t potty trained yet, even though he’s 3 years old.” then someone else replying, “That’s OK! He’s a boy! Boys train later than girls.”
I call bull honkey.
Why are we devaluing our little boys?
I got tired of washing cloth diapers for two children the week The Muffin turned 2, so I sought out a potty training system that would have it done and over with in a short period of time. I came upon 3 Day Potty Training and fell in love/hate with the idea. It’s really a 3 day intensive Elimination Communication Boot Camp. You and your child throw all of the diapers away then switch directly to underwear, even for nap and bed time. There is mess involved. Lots and lots of mess. But the idea is that you watch your child like a hawk for 3 days and run them to the toilet every time they begin to pee or poop so that they can finish up on the potty. This gives them the power to make that brain/body connection on their own and eventually take themselves to the potty when they feel the urge. You aren’t supposed to ask them if they have to go because that takes the power away from them. Instead, you ask them if they are dry every half an hour or so, then remind them to tell you if they have to go to the bathroom.
The Muffin was a raging beeyoch about potty training, just like she is about many things. She would hold her pee until I sat down to nurse The Stinky, then stand right in front of me and pee like a racehorse with a big ole’ smile on her face. She had been waking up dry for months so I knew that night time would be fine and it was. We take her to go potty before we go to bed and she only ever has accidents when we fail to follow through on that nightly routine. On the morning of Day 4, she peed her pants as we were going out for a few hours. I made her stay home with The Workaholic and that was it. Homegirl was potty trained likethat .
I knew that I wanted to potty train The Stinky around the same time I had potty trained The Muffin but I had my serious doubts. Society has taught us to be OK with thinking that our boys aren’t as smart as our girls are, and that they are more difficult to potty train, or that they aren’t capable of potty training as young as two. I’ve even heard people say that you shouldn’t force them because if they aren’t showing interest, then they aren’t ready.
TO ME? that’s like saying “don’t force your kids to go to bed because they’ll show interest when they’re ready.” I don’t know how your kids are, but mine would be up all day long for the rest of their lives if I waited for them to show interest. And while very few children go to Kindergarten in diapers, I wanted my kids out of them ASAP.
3 weeks before The Stinky’s second birthday, I bought him a very inexpensive potty chair. I had not planned on introducing it until the week of his second birthday.
That idea went completely out the window because he was extremely interested in this new thing we had in the house. He peed on it that day when he woke up from his nap. I was shocked. The very next day, The Muffin, The Stinky, The Nerd, and I all came down with yet another winter virus. I gave up before I had really started. I knew that I couldn’t give The Stinky the attention that he would need for 3 day potty training and I didn’t really want to drag it out over weeks of mess and frustration.
The week he turned 2 I was having serious doubts that he was ready. The Stinky had a vocabulary of about 5 very simple words and he could not communicate many of his wants or needs without crying or whining – no actual words. He still woke up wet in the morning. VERY wet. This is where boys might be behind girls in the physical development department and that’s OK.
I resigned myself to give it an honest shot. No changing the program, just doing it. We went and bought another
Package of Underwear
that he got to pick out by himself. Cars undies!
We went home and got to work. It just so happened that he ran to the potty to pee by himself the first time he went. He had a few accidents but because I was watching him like a hawk, I would run him to the toilet as soon as I noticed he was peeing and he would finish there. As long as he went in the toilet, he got one marshmallow.
At the end of the first day, The Stinky was taking himself to the toilet to pee ALL BY HIMSELF. He wouldn’t poop to save his life, but he did pee. I made the executive decision to put him in pull-ups over night because of his inability to wake up even remotely dry right now. THIS is where I think pull-ups are OK. Perhaps he could go overnight without wetting the bed if I just trained him to do so, but he refuses to move out of the safety of his crib and into his toddler bed, and would therefore likely not make it to the restroom anyways. It’s night time, he is still a very young little boy, and wearing a diaper to bed is still acceptable, as long as he is in underwear the rest of the day – even for nap.
As day 3 came to a close, he had still not pooped in 3 days, which is not at all like him. This child usually poops 3 times each and every day without fail. I knew that when it finally happened, it wouldn’t be pretty.
As Murphy’s Law would have it, he pooped in his underwear the next day. An enormous horse turd of a poop. SO frustrating. Luckily, I was accustomed to cloth diapering so it wasn’t much different than changing a poopy diaper – just in undies.
About ten days went by and we went on this daily poop in the undies/poop on the floor routine. He was completely #1 potty trained, but he would NOT sit on the toilet to have a bowel movement to save his life.
Then one day, The Workaholic took himself to the bathroom for a #2. I knew The Stinky needed to go, so I asked The Workaholic to please take him to the restroom with him and show him how it’s done. The Stinky sat down and POOPED! he proceeded to stand up in the process of eliminating, but he SAT DOWN! ON THE POTTY! We were so excited that we had a bathroom dance party and went to get ice cream (chocolate of course) to celebrate. The next day he pooped in his underwear once then once on the potty after I reminded him where and how we poop.
That has honestly been it. He wasn’t completely potty trained in 3 days like The Muffin was. He was #1 trained within hours but #2 trained after about two weeks.
I’d be lying if I said he didn’t have the occasional accident, but they are always when he is on the way to the restroom and having a little trouble getting his pants down, and they don’t happen every day.
He only ever wears a pull-up at night. When we are out in public, he tells me that he has to pee or poop and will go there when I take him. He won’t sit on a big potty, but he will let me hold him up and dangle his penis in the air over the toilet to pee. If he has to poop, we leave the scene immediately and flee home. At home he rarely tells me that he has to use the restroom anymore, he just takes himself.
The Stinky turned 2 on March 7, 2013. He has been 2 for just over a month at this point and has been fully potty trained for over 2 weeks, #1 potty trained for a month. His vocabulary has EXPLODED since we started training him.
The inability to communicate with words is not an indicator of whether or not your child is ready to be trained. Showing an interest in the potty is not an indicator of whether or not they are ready to be trained. Being content to sit in a dirty diaper is not an indicator of whether or not they are ready to be trained (The Stinky was perfectly content to sit in a poopy diaper).
Don’t make excuses for your unwillingness to potty train. Don’t be content to say “I have a boy and they train late.” It’s simply not true.
Our little boys are just as smart and willing to please as our little girls are.
Don’t devalue your little boy. Know that he is smart and able. Give him the opportunity to prove his smarts to you.
And if you choose not to potty train as early as I did, that’s A-OK, I’m not judging. I’m simply saying don’t blame your perfectly smart and able son, because he IS capable. And he CAN.
Angela says
Summer I lost this post! Though I do not yet have kids (getting married this summer though so hopefully soon :D) this is a frequent debate in our home – how there is no equality between the sexes because boys now seem to get passed over in favour of building girls up. We are two different sexes and should celebrate that and apparently potty-train accordingly 😀
Thanks!
Summer says
Hi Angela! Thanks so much for commenting! I think it’s sad that we as a society cannot find a common ground in terms of gender, race, religion, etc . . . Things always seem so polarized one way or the other. We ARE different sexes, right? Boys ARE different from girls, yeah? We have to celebrate our differences while embracing the fact that while we might not all get to point C the same WAY, we all still get to point C.
CONGRATS on your upcoming marriage! and good luck in your future child rearing adventures! 🙂
Angela says
Hahaha – as I hit post I realized I meant LOVE this post! Not lost… I can see it.
JanetGoingCrazy says
Goodness, wish I had read something like this 3 years ago! My boy turned 5 in February and we still struggle with poop issues. He has constipation problems and when it’s tome to poop, he pees the bed at night.
Yaritzzi says
I found this a article very different from what I’ve been reading. It gave me lots if encouragement to keep trying and believe in my little boy. I know he can do this! THANK YOU!
Summer says
I am SO, SO glad that you found it encouraging. Your son CAN do it, and he will! Persistence & consistency are key. You’ve got this, mama!
Dondi Schneider says
Thanks for this. My guy turned 2 on 12/23/13 and we wondered if/when we could start the process. He’s gone pee pee on the potty a couple of times but it’s not consistent. Looks like we need to do a little 3 day camp. Thank you!!
sarah says
We r n the process of potty training my little boy he can do it naked all by himself all day long but as son as we put big boy undies on he gives up mostly BC he can’t seem to learn to pull them down on his own any ideas on how to treach him? he’s about 22 months and is almost completely day trained n less than 4 days as long as he doesn’t have any undies or pants on
Summer says
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS! That’s such a really big deal and I’m so happy for all of you! My suggestion would be to just be diligent with the underwear. You might have to just watch him like a hawk for a few days and tell him often that you will help him pull his undies down if he will just tell you when he has to go. My guy had trouble pulling his undies up and down until recently and he’s almost 3 now. I think with some diligence, it will only take a day or so for him to get used to it. Go you! You’re doing a great job!
sarah says
Thank you!
Summer says
You’re welcome!
Joliene says
Loved this article. I have a question though. I have a son that will be 2 next month (August 20, 2014). He has gone pee in his potty, but only about 3-4 times in like 6 months. Most of those times are right before we get in the shower and the water is running (cause that makes everyone have to pee right?!).
I often let him run around the house naked before bed. So that he actually sees himself pee, and what happens. A couple times he’s started to pee on the floor, so I grab him (never like he’s in trouble, I don’t want him to think its naughty for him to pee.. Even if it is on the carpet lol) and I run him to the bathroom and happily tell him “did you go potty? Go pee pee in the potty like a big boy!” And sometimes he will stand in front of his toilet and pretend to pee, or he will immediately act like he’s shy and not go near it and just cry. So I end up having to put a diaper back on him because i know he still needs to finish because I stopped him and ran him to the toilet. My question is, why does he literally steer clear of the toilet when I ask him to go? Also, he does watch my husband and I go potty. All the time. He never lets us go alone lol. He points as I’m going and says “pee pee!” and I say “yes mommy goes pee pee in the potty!” I’m just confused on whether I did something wrong or if he just doesn’t understand completely.
Summer says
Hi Joliene! Well, I’m not sure why he’s shying from the toilet, but I do know that as soon as those diapers are gone, there’s no option but for him to go on the floor or the toilet. If you watch him like a hawk and keep him running to the toilet, he’ll learn to go to the toilet. The words you use are KEY. Remember to say, “Tell Mommy when you have to go pee pee” or whatever words you use for the “Deed”. Don’t ask him, give him the power to tell you. Then when you catch him going anywhere but in the toilet, run him as fast as you can to the toilet and praise him and dance around and give him a marshmallow or whatever motivates him. Once he figures out that he’s going to get a reward, he’ll want to please. Going cold turkey without the diapers will create a much shorter potty training time frame, just make sure you have three solid days to devote to it. For the time being, I would just leave the potty alone and all talk of the potty. Just stop it completely until you’re ready to devote 3 days to cold turkey potty boot camp. You’ve got this! You can do it! 🙂
Maria Alison @Ten at the Table says
My baby brother was potty trained at about 2 years old. The earliest we’ve ever achieved with any of the 8 children!
Tia says
I am excited to see this, Labor day weekend is coming we could do a potty boot camp that weekend…hmmm.
Amanda says
I was SO happy to find ur potty diary!!! I am a single mom of an amazing little boy (loser daddy’s loss) He blows my mind how smart he is. He is talking so much & wow .. Just more & more everyday. I work a full time job to get to make ends meet for us but I am off on the weekend’s so… 3 day camp won’t be hard to find time for. We have talked about pottying like a big boy & looked at them in town as well as big boy undies & he says He wants to so next friday we’re taking a trip to Wal-Mart so I can get a potty & let him pick out undies. He will be 2 May 26th so I didn’t know if it was too soon. He’s my 1st so unsure of a lot.lol winging it has been working out Just fine so far. I really was worried about with dad not around although he goes to the bathroom with me & loves to flush “bye bye pee pee” lol I Don’t have the right equipment to show him how to pee!!!lol I wasn t sure if it would matter or not. After reading this tho I will figure it out. He’s super smart & loves to be rewarded from picking up his toys to eating all his good to get a little sweet treat.lol chocolate of some kind works Everytime. Someone told me throw a fruit loop or something in the potty for him to aim at but I don’t want him to think it’s kool to put food in there so… Yeah. Any advice on how to show him without a man around to be an example?? Thanks already for the advice & encouragement to start potty training my little man. He is growing up so fast!!!
Summer says
Hi Amanda! I’m SO glad you found me too! Fruit Loops in the toilet water are definitely fun targets! I taught my youngest son to pee sitting down, which is how my husband pees. My eldest learned to pee standing up when I was a single mom, and I almost regret the decision because – AIM! I don’t think there’s any shame in teaching boys to pee sitting down. It’s cleaner and easier for everyone!
Keleigh says
I know that this post is super old, but it was exactly what I needed to hear tonight. We are potty training our son right now and it’s SO frustrating and I keep doubting myself (and him) and wondering if he’s just too young – this has given me the encouragement to believe in him and keep going! Thank you!
Summer says
You are SO welcome! I am sorry I am just seeing this comment! I hope it went so well and your boy is showing you exactly how ready he was!