I hate showering. Showering sucks. I’ll tell you why:
I have the thickest, most abundant, course, wavy hair of any white girl on the face of the planet. It’s also very dry so I can’t wash it every day. Then when I do wash my hair, it takes at least 8 minutes to wash & condition my hair, and another 75 minutes to blow dry and straighten it. LAME.
Add to that the whole shaving process, subtract the time spent watching the Crayola wall artist and divide by the time The Stinky spends spraying the dark load of laundry down with bleach-laden bathroom spray and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.
But I work out 5 days a week, and I work hard. I sweat like a crazy woman when I sweat, and you know how bad dying fat smells, right?
So take the formula above and multiply by 10 days with the flu and it equals 2 showers. Which stinks. Literally.
I’m not the only one, y’all! My long lost twin sister, and fellow Horrible Housewife, doesn’t shower daily either .
I woke up yesterday morning and STILL felt like crap. It had been 10 days. Showering when I’m sick makes me want to pass out, it rarely makes me feel better. So I did what anybody who had been sick for longer than a week, who had only had a couple of showers, and had lost their sense of smell would do: I called the doctor and got an appointment. None of my natural remedies had helped up until this point and it was my last resort. I went to the freaking prescription-writing doctor. Yes, I did. My appointment was in 20 minutes and I was still in my jammies.
The Muffin insisted on going with me, so I agreed and took her with me. As I was dressing her, she asked me a few times if I had farted. I laughed and told her no, that it was probably my sick sinus infection breath. She looked at me like I had 3 eyes.
On the way into the doctor’s office, she told me, “Mommy, you farted!” I laughed and told her that I most certainly had not farted.
When the doctor came in to the room, I caught a whiff of something stank and asked The Muffin if she farted. She said that she had not, and the girl never denies a fart. I shrugged my shoulders and chalked it up to an overactive imagination. I hadn’t, after all, smelled a single thing for 10 days.
During my exam, I apologized to the doctor for not showering that morning and she laughed it off saying, “You don’t have to shower when you’re sick, you get a shower break.”
I think what she meant to say was that I needed a shower break. As in a break from life to get in the shower.
After she told me that I had a raging sinus infection and that my throat should also be sore because it was so angry, I packed up my offspring and went home, antibiotics in hand.
I sat down on the couch and The Workaholic said, “The Stinky has a poopy diaper! NOT IT!” I checked, and The Stinky did not have a poopy diaper. That happened about 3 more times before The Stinky did have a poopy diaper so I thought maybe he had been farting all along. I changed the diaper, unable to smell a single thing, and went on with my day.
I laid the kids down for a nap, and relaxed after The Workaholic went to work. I wanted to shower, but I got comfortable and a nap sounded so much better. Nap trumps shower. And I hate naps too.
I woke up to The Nerd coming home from school and he passed me by, headed straight to his little loft apartment on the 3rd floor. The day went on, and The Muffin kept asking if I had farted or telling me The Stinky had a poopy diaper – none of which had happened. OK, well maybe once or twice, but not every time.
I bathed the babies then tucked them into bed, and The Muffin didn’t want to cuddle with me.
WHAT?
IS this a joke? She wants to cuddle with me every night, as long as she can get me for! This child turned away from me and told me I was stinky!
“Mommy, you’re stinky! Did you fart in my bed? You stink!”
I had NOT farted in her bed, but I couldn’t possibly smell that badly because I didn’t smell a thing!
So I acquiesced and left her room, en route to the shower. I clearly needed one, even if it meant washing my nappy hair.
On the way to the shower, The Nerd stopped me on his way to bed. I gave him a hug and he immediately recoiled and said, “MOM! You smell TERRIBLE! Please go take a shower!”
My tween boy had just told me that I smelled. Terrible. Woah. Do you understand the magnitude of this statement? Especially given its deliverer?
I almost peed my pants laughing my way to the shower.
When I got out of the shower and had slathered my body with coconut lime lotion, I noticed that The Muffin’s light was on so I went in her room. She asked me if I had showered and I told her to smell me then tell me whether or not I had showered. She abruptly buried her nose in her pillow and told me that she would NOT be smelling me because I was stinky.
I ran over to her bed and put her face directly in my armpit and she laughed when she realized that I smelled delicious. I’ve never seen a child so happy about their parent taking a shower.
I promise to shower at least every other day from here on out. Especially when I’m sick.
Although having my children tell me I smelled bad, was quite comedic and has provided me lots of laughs.
I look forward to having my sense of smell back.
Amanda says
Add me to the not showering daily club! Ad when I do shower, my hair is typically up in a shower cap! And showering when sick? Yeah — that DEFINITELY doesn’t happen around here!
Summer says
YES!!! I LOVE that one of my faves doesn’t shower daily either. It makes me feel SO much better about my funk! 🙂
Mallery Schuplin says
I’m DYING right now! I can’t tell you how many times I cracked up while reading this post! I am so glad we are friends. 🙂
Summer says
I’m so glad we’re friends too. And I Seriously think we’re the same person living in alternate universes. It’s crazy.
Kim @ What's That Smell? says
The eternal question has been answered!
BTW I shower every day. I can’t not. I think it’s part of my obsessive personality traits.
Summer says
haha! My husband showers at least once a day. It is definitely part of his obsessive personality traits. I just can’t bring myself to do it. The last time I showered while the babies were awake, Grady ruined the entire pile of dark dirty laundry that was sitting on the bathroom floor. I separate the clothes into piles on laundry day, so that it takes some of the work out of it when I need to switch laundry over. My favorite shirt was one of the victims. I haven’t showered while they’re awake since.
Christina says
I am reading this on day three of no shower…you’ve now encouraged me to change that 😉
Summer says
HAHA! I’m glad you decided to change that before someone had to tell you how badly you smell. I’m kind of glad I dropped my prescriptions off at Walmart and not our local pharmacy. I probably fit right in there. I had to really push myself to take a shower before bed last night.
Lynsey @MoscatoMom says
OK…. this made me throw up a little in my mouth. I shower every day – IF NOT twice a day…..and yes, EVERY day I go through the nightmare that is my hair. Its part of life.
BTW – you will be FORCED to shower in June…. so get used to it LOL You have been warned.
Melody says
Well, it’s good to know that you’ve finally showered 😛 I don’t shower when I’m sick, either. I just want to lay around and veg, complain, and whine….
Toni says
Okay I laughed the whole way through. I don’t shower every day b/c I, like you have thick wavy hair and it’s horrible to wash and fix LOL…HOWEVER I do jump in the bath with my hair wrapped in my turbie twist and wash off the days I don’t have to wash my hair…that way I am nice and clean and my hair doesn’t have to be dried and styled again until the next day or two. Of course if my hair gets all sweaty it gets washed b/c I would vomit a little smelling myself. Not to mention it is really not good to wash your hair and style it daily..it’s really bad for your hair but bathing daily is a necessity LOL. I love you..that.is.all!
Nicoyle says
Ok, I must admit that I do not shower daily, especially if I’m not going anywhere for the day. However, if I didn’t shower the day/night before I do tend to do the quick sink bath thing. You know, wash your pits and down below and bottom and I’m all fresh smelling LOL.
Summer says
WOOOHOOOOOO!!! I’m so glad I’m not the only one. I also take a washrag and get “down there” if I don’t shower. In my illness induced fog I must have forgotten to do that. HAHAH!
Amy says
Does not compute. I take a shower every morning. Sometimes another one later in the day. I will not leave the house without taking a shower. Of course my hair does nothing except stay straight and my face is tattooed on so I suppose it’s not really the same thing…
Mary says
I’m not a daily showerer, but I usually don’t have to leave the house. We can spend days in these four walls without ever seeing the light of day (I hate winter). I have thick, wavy, crazy hair, and no I can’t cut it short because it looks ridiculous when it’s short. Once difference I have from you, showering does make me feel better when I’ve been sick. Not on the day that I feel the worse, but on that day when I’m just starting to feel a little better. Even though I don’t want to, I jump in the shower and I always feel a ton better when I get out. Lucky for me I don’t get sick often 🙂
Rhonda - A Born Unique Mom says
Uh, so that was hilarious! For someone who unhappily takes a daily shower, I can say I laughed through this entire post. I secretly can’t wait to go 3 or 4 days without showering so that I can relate to some of this. (please don’t tell my mom, God rest her soul) Thanks for sharing!
Courtney from "The Life & Food of Mrs.Curly Girl" says
Being that I’ve witnessed Summer Sans Shower, I say you don’t smell bad at all…at least not this time 🙂
And btw, I did not shower today. Heck, I didn’t even make it to put deodorant on or brush my teeth!! Obviously I was running late for work….obviously :/
Summer says
HAHAHA! I’m glad I didn’t smell that bad THAT time. Apparently when I go without a shower for a few days I REEK. 🙂
OMG I’ve had those, “OH CRAP I forgot to brush my teeth” days. They SUCK! My teeth hurt by the end of the day. I haven’t yet showered today but I’m about to go jump in now. 🙂
Jen @ BigBinder says
I recently started getting my hair colored, and I use that as an excuse not to shower every day. Because obviously, the stuff they use at the Aveda salon would wash right out if I did.