Everyone is experiencing stress overload these days. Some days romantic partners–including those over 40 and going on their third decade of being together–give intimacy nary a thought. The kids have been home for months due to COVID and are just now going back to school in some areas. The couple is probably craving a good long nap.
Both partners may have also experienced changes related to their job with nowhere to go for even a tiny break from the madness. Restaurants have just opened for dine-in business. The same is true of movie theaters, bars, and many other retail establishments.
Remove the Pause
For couples, it must feel like they have paused their relationship for months, and maybe they were experiencing a lull before all the craziness started. Now is the time to remove the pause from the relationship. Open those eyes and look at your partner. Remember the early days, connect with each other, and realize the time to be hot and steamy is at hand.
It might not be as easy as it sounds. Intimacy takes effort, and perhaps both partners feel out of practice about caring for each other in that special way.
Get the Engine Warmed Up
Here are some ideas to get the engine warmed up:
Take some time to think about your partner, romantically. Check them out and keep working at it until just thinking about your partner makes you breathe harder.
With most gyms being closed for months, people may feel a little out of shape. And it’s hard to think about getting physical when you spent so much time sitting, working, and dealing with stress. Why not work out together? Try some Yoga or biking. Even just walking together will tone up those muscles. And walking, toning, and perhaps feeling more physical in one way will bring thoughts of another physical activity.
Make time for each other. Talk, dance in the living room, share memories of your favorite times. Bring intimacy back to the front of the line.
Show appreciation for each other, but don’t just say it. Say each word while holding your partner and looking them in the eye. Kiss them and say, I feel blessed to have you in my life. I appreciate all you do for me. How loved you make me feel. Be present at that moment. Show the truth with your eyes that what you say comes from the heart.
Put some effort into touching. Not as a prelude to sex, but to make the partner feel loved. And sometimes it may spark something more. Spontaneity is one of the most potent aphrodisiacs.
And Let’s Not Forget Foreplay
Some couples, the smart ones, make foreplay a way of life. They believe it should start long before the key event. Even if it occurs only in small increments, over time, it can create powerful desires that lead to the bedroom. For people over 40, these activities can emphasize quality over quantity.
Try intimacy outside the bedroom. Go to a hotel, spend the day at a spa. Change the environment. Get adventurous, try outside, in a car like the teen years, or maybe in public (well-concealed, please no jail time). Some couples love having sex in the pool, or the beach is a big favorite. I guess because the view is so great, right? Anywhere your imagination takes you. Just out of the bedroom, change the location. Kitchen anyone?
If intimacy is an issue in the relationship, and one or both partners cannot find the fire they once had, it may signal a physical or emotional problem. Perhaps seeking therapy would help the couple work through whatever the problems might be.
Dealing with Physical Obstacles
Sometimes men over 40 can have erectile dysfunction (ED). It is not at all uncommon with the stressors prevalent in society. There should be no shame; about 30 million men in America suffer from ED. Help is available for both medical problems and psychological issues. Some natural remedies like lifestyle changes, including diet, exercise, and stress management, reduce or eliminate symptoms.
Medication can be useful for increasing blood flow to reduce the problem. If you’re not interested in taking medication, try an ED device; modern ED devices are better designed and more comfortable.
Additionally, some men experience anxiety and stress and seek therapy where they learn skills at managing their symptoms. As a result, therapy often reverses ED. There are other fixes available, depending on the problem. Seeing a doctor is a good place to start.