If your husband still has underwear in his drawer from high school, raise your hand. Am I the only one raising my hand?
(OK, you can put your hand down now – you look ridiculous)
The Workaholic complains about the same pairs of undies all the time. He’s had ALL OF THEM SINCE HIGH SCHOOL! Granted, he’s a few, (OK, 7) years younger than me and he didn’t graduate high school until 2006, but still. These underwear are OLD. And he has turned into a man since then. He is no longer a size 32 waist, and his *ahem* rise has risen, so to speak.
When we moved to Raleigh, I did a small sweep of his underwear drawer and got rid of a few pair of underwear that I knew didn’t fit him anymore, and that he consistently complained about. I couldn’t rid him of too much underwear, though, lest he be left with nothing!
Here are the culprits:
1. This pair of underwear is completely dry rotted. The waistband is so stretched out I can get it around MY butt without creating a bump. That’s not good, people! I have a big ole’ booty. The Workaholic has to belt these undies to keep them up. I’m really not sure why they are still here.
2a. This pair of underwear is the opposite of pair #1. They are WAY. TOO. SMALL. These undies give The Workaholic major muffin top and there’s not much to make muffins with on his lithe body. I won’t tell you what they do to his junk. Let’s just say he walks like a penguin when he’s wearing them. NOT attractive.
2b. I included this picture just to show you the difference in size on these two pair of underwear. They are completely lined up on the other side. There’s a good 6″ of extra undies on pair #1. He wears both of these in regular rotation. Maybe pair #1 are his fat undies for those bloated days?
3. Change Daily! REALLY!??! Because he needed a reminder to change his nasty, skid-marked underwear? Apparently he did. Notice the frayed waistband? These are also muffin-top inducing. Out the window they go!
I’ve been a fan of Mario Lopez’s body, I mean, of his acting, since I can remember first laying eyes on him. I was stoked to use this as the best excuse to get a close up of his new ad campaign, and to get The Workaholic some new duds for his…. Enough with the rhyming games.
I finally found the impressive display of MaLo underwear, but not before noticing that Kmart sells thongs for men. Styles exploded in laughter, but stopped soon after I threatened him with buying a package for him and telling the school that he was wearing butt floss.
That got his attention.
I knew The Workaholic would never wear thongs so I proceeded onward to the sexy MaLo display. He doesn’t like briefs, and prefers boxer briefs or boxers, so I picked up a package of boxer briefs. They were under $12 for 3 pair – pretty impressive. The colors are fun and different from other men’s underwear too, but hopefully I’ll be the only gal seeing THAT.
OK, I’m sorry. I’d like to pause for a moment of silence for Mario Lopez’s abs, dimples, and jaw line.
One of the things that I IMMEDIATELY noticed about these underwear when we got home was that there was noticeable room in the crotch area for your man’s package. One of the things that always struck me as odd about The Workaholic’s boxer briefs was the complete lack of space where men need…space!
The Workaholic rolled his eyes at me when I came home with Mario Lopez underwear, but he put them on and started rubbing his butt, and touching the waistband, and checking his lack of muffin top out in the mirror. They looked super sexy, but no pecs magically appeared. Darn.
I asked him about the package pouch and he said that they were SUPER comfortable. He was genuinely impressed. He put his slacks on and headed out the door to work. I PROMISE an update (in red) at the bottom of this post once he gives his honest opinion about the undies. His chief complaints are generally an uncomfortable waistband, no room in the junk, and wedgies. DUH. That’s what happens when your underwear are 3 sizes too small. I know men’s fashion, and women don’t let their men have muffin top because of too-tight skivvies.
That is, after all, one of the reasons that the Grinch is so unhappy.
The Workaholic wouldn’t let me post a picture of him on the blog in only his skivvies, but Styles would, so he put on a pair of new MaLo undies and posed for me.
Maybe he’ll be filled out enough in another year so to get some #MaLoUnderwear.
If your man needs some new underwear, check your local Kmart for these skivvies. They’re delicious. Plus, it will give you a reason to go stare and drool into your latte at the display. Rawr!
I am a member of the Collective Bias™ Social Fabric® Community. This shop has been compensated as part of a social shopper insights study for Collective Bias™ and MaLo #CBias #SocialFabric. All opinions are either mine or The Workaholics, and they have not been influenced in any way. Not even by Mario Lopez’s pecs.