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Being a dog is hard, man. Being a big dog is especially difficult. Can you imagine the horror of being a big, beautiful female dog and being called a “handsome boy” all the time? It’s embarrassing, dawg. So, so embarrassing. I usually turn my butt to them so they can check out my girly parts, but they never get the hint. I’m a handsome girl and it’s horrifying. My people don’t do much to help me out in the girly department. They do dumb things like take me out in public with a black harness on, or put a scarf around my neck from my mom’s favorite college football team, and they don’t correct people when they say I’m a boy. My dad won’t even let me wear the pink sweater mom bought for me.
I really wish they’d paint my fingernails or put bows in my hair or put a flower on my collar so people would know I’m a girl. I hate to be a B!%@#, but I’m not even two yet and I don’t know if I can handle any more embarrassment. My mom finally made me a cute collar flower, but since I don’t wear a collar often, she put it on my harness. I sniffed her butt to thank her for making a cute harness flower for me. She will tell you how to make one yourself at the bottom of this post.
I mean, they’re okay for people, but they’re just kinda clueless, you know? I guess I should be happy about the fact that they gave me my own mattress on the floor in their room and in their living room. And they feed me some pretty awesome food. Sometimes they even mix bacon grease in with it. That’s pretty awesome. I have some gastrointestinal issues when I eat grains, so my people have to buy grain free food for me to eat. I usually supplement the grains in my diet with a healthy serving of polyfill from inside my little people’s toys. That’s my favorite since Mommy won’t let me eat her shoes anymore.
Excuse me for a second, I need to lick my butt.
Okay, I’m back, sorry about that, I couldn’t resist.
I love to lick my butt. It’s almost as good as the Purina® Pro Plan® Select food that my people buy for me. They tried lots of other foods before deciding on this one. Some of them, even the grain free ones, gave me the runs, and I don’t mean the kind where they take me to the dog park and turn me loose. This food was fantastic from first bite. The Purina® Pro Plan® Select is grain free and chicken flavored, plus it’s specially formulated for skin and digestive health which means it may help keep my coat nice and shiny and keep me from farting like Walter the Dog. I love it when my people go shopping for my food because they always take me with them. I think my mom likes the attention she gets when she takes me out in public. Other people love me. I love that PetSmart allows me to come inside and sniff the butts of the other dogs there. PetSmart is so great. They’re way better than those stores that won’t let dogs inside.
As soon as I heard that 8 out of the last 8 Westminster Best In Show Champions were fueled by Purina® Pro Plan®, I was sold. My mommy person said that the goal of the people who make my food is to give me the nutrition to be my absolute best, helping me to be energetic and resilient, and maintaining an ideal body condition, healthy skin, and a stunning coat. I mean, I’m pretty lucky to have a great body naturally, but I was in need of a little sheen in my coat. My mom fusses with her fur a lot, I think she understands me more than my dad does.
Don’t leave your dog in the dark! And don’t be afraid to try something new. Us dogs love new smells and tastes, why do you think we sniff one another’s butts? Visit the Purina® Pro Plan® MyPLAN website to get your dog’s MyPLAN recommendation and a rebate offer for a free bag of Purina® Pro Plan® Dry Dog Food (4-6lbs, up to $18.99.) Good only in U.S.A. A.P.O’s, F.P.O’s. Void where taxed, prohibited, restricted. Allow 6-8 weeks for shipment. LIMIT ONE REQUEST PER INDIVIDUAL, ADDRESS, or EMAIL ADDRESS. Offer expires 04/30/2015.See full terms.
You can also connect with Purina® Pro Plan® on Twitter, which kind of confuses me since dogs bark, not tweet. You can also find Purina® Pro Plan® on Facebook, which I totally understand because all of my people spend way too much time there.
Now that I’m feeling pretty and witty and bright in my new harness flower, I’ll let my mommy person teach you how to make one for yourself. I don’t have opposable thumbs, otherwise I’d show you.
Hey everyone! Sorry Pearl kind of took over my blog for a minute. She’s a character, isn’t she? Such a handsome girl. Don’t tell her I said that.
She was completely right about loving the attention that we get when we take her out in public, but what I don’t love is how most people don’t even ask, they just tell us what a handsome boy she is. It’s super embarrassing for me to have to correct people when they ask what her name is, so I figured I would make a pretty felt flower to put on her harness since the pink collar doesn’t do the trick. Hopefully people will see the flower and realize she’s a beautiful girl rather than a handsome boy.
I have to tell you, I don’t sew. Like at all. I love cross stitch, but I don’t know how to work a sewing machine or darn a sock or hem a pant. That said, this little craft is insanely easy, nearly impossible to mess up, and took me a whole 30 minutes from start to finish.
And with that, we’re off!
note: the sizes listed are best for a large dog. You may adjust them to be the appropriate size for your own dog.
- Felt, any color you choose
- Craft Scissors
- Needle & Thread
- Beads or buttons to adorn the center
- Fabric Glue
1. Cut two circles out of the same color of felt. The large one should be about 5″ in diameter for your largest flower petal, and the second should be about 2″ in diameter. The smaller one will be the piece that your elastic attaches to and it will be glued to the back of the larger flower.
2. Cut a 4″ circle out of a second color.
3. Cut a 3″ circle out of a third color.
4. Cut two leaves out of green felt (optional)
5. Fold the three flower petal circles in half and cut a half circle out of the center.
6. Close the hole that you just cut in the center of each felt petal by bunching it up in the center. Take your needle and thread and sew the hole closed. This causes a ripple effect in the petal. Remember, this doesn’t have to be perfect, nothing in nature is. Repeat this process for all three petal flowers.
7. Lay the 4″ petal on top of the 5″ petal and give it a few stitches so that they stick together. Repeat that step by laying the 3″ petal on top of the 4″ petal and stitching into place through the middle of each petal.
8. Once the petals are all secured together, sew three beads into the center of the top petal to hide the strings. Buttons would look super cute here too!
9. Now cut a 3″ piece of elastic and two slits just big enough for the elastic to slip through into the smallest circle.
10. Thread the elastic through the holes and secure by sewing the ends to the back of the circle.
11. Once the elastic is secure, use a few stitches to sew the leaves onto the back of the small circle as well.
12. Now use your favorite craft or fabric glue to glue the small circle with the elastic to the back of the flower that you previously crafted. Follow package instructions for drying.
13. Slip the flower over your dog’s harness or collar and arrange.
14. Put the harness on your dog and watch people still call her a he.